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Monday, May 23, 2005

I have a confession...

I have a confession to make. I don't usually share this and few people outside of my family know but I felt it was time to come clean. I am one of about 14.4 million people in the US that suffer from depression.

It's been an on going problem since my early teen years and the episodes seem to be shorter in duration and more infrequent. I take meds when it gets really bad. So, why don't I take meds all the time you ask? Well, it seems that the longer I am on an anti-depressant the more manic I become. To be honest I kind of like the manic episodes for awhile. I get so much more done. I remember in my mid 20's when I first started taking prozac... I didn't need as much sleep, could keep my house spotless, and bake dozens of cookies. It's great but then I need to recover.

What does my depression have to do with anything anyway? Lately it's become harder for me to keep up with this blog. I didn't realize it was the depression at first. I thought I was just losing interest but then it occurred to me that everything was getting harder to do. Depression takes so much out of me. Everything seems impossible when I'm that far down. Just having a conversation, putting thoughts together is just too much for me to deal with at those times.

I'm not "cured" at this point but I'm beginning to feel better. I'm taking baby steps to get things done so I don't get overwhelmed. Hopefully every day will get better. I appreciate that my readers haven't abandoned me through this period of time. Thanks to all of you!


At Monday, May 23, 2005 1:22:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Hi Erica - I too am one of the 14.4 million. I know exactly what you mean about the lack of desire to do anything and how everything can become so overwhelming (just take a look at my house right now). But you're right ... baby steps. That's what I keep trying to tell myself, but I don't think myself is listening.

We have to stick together! I'm here if you ever just want to rant or vent.

At Monday, May 23, 2005 2:14:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm thinking of you Erica. I hope things start to get better for you.



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